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30 October 2006 @ 03:09 pm

We (Eddie, David and I) arrived at 7 o'clock sharp where we were greeted by Mike and his girlfriend. Mike was Superman and his gal was Harry Potter. There was a full spread of chips and sweet things laid out on the table. Conversation was awkward at first, as it always is with parties I attend, so we whipped out the Jello Shots. We decided not to drink until the crowd arrived.

And arrive they did. There were boy scouts and goths, murderers, the women in the moon (Veronica) and the morning after transformed from a nerd. Audrey was a black Pikachu. Bad nurses and badder Alice in Wonderland showed up. It was a pretty full house. Spencer Petrelli and Andrew "Droogs" Cutler showed up later as a busted up rollerblader and a Alex from Clockwork Orange. Eddie was a bum. I was a fox with my fox hat. David was invincible with rap music.

The drinking began in earnest. Rum, vodka, then we had the absinthe (which burned like hell), and more and more and more. I started acting sillier and I felt my tongue rolling around in my mouth, words coming out that I felt were making sense but no one believed me. It would suck to be drunk all the time. It's like being the most untrustworthy person ever for the whole duration.

I was then invited upstairs to participate in another illicit activity, which I had not in a while. It was actually a pretty dumb move since I didn't really feel buzzed from it at all. The level of drunkenness had overwhelmed most of my other sensations. I began to sway even though I made no conscious effort. I explained the feeling to Spencer, Andrew and Veronica, but they treated me like I was a madman. Which I guess I was. Marginally high and VERY drunk, I picked up a guitar and played "Karma Police" and Zeppelin tunes. I sang until my voice was raspy. I think I'm a better person when I'm like that. I'm so fun and outgoing. I don't care if people laugh at me because I'm so lost in the moment I can't step back and cognize anything greater than the now.

Cops came by, but it was a joke because Alex's dad is a cop and she wanted to freak us out. Spencer got pretty frightened. =]

I took some pictures, which will be up later, but the video I took will probably never reach the internet because some dude had to whip his penis out while I was filming. I don't even remember his name (David says it was Jorge), but he was one wild kid.

I didn't really spend any length of time speaking to the ladies and vice versa, since I guess we were just mutually unimpressed and/or taken (in their case). David got a number from a girl who had a boyfriend, so that was pretty hilarious. I just wished there was some girl there to get shitfaced with me, sing along with me, and pass out on the couch with me, drifting off into alcoholic slumberland while I held her and stroked her hair. I'd be such a romantic drunk.

That thought (and the fact that Eddie kept calling me the best guy ever and that I'll find somebody soon) caused me to drunk dial Sara, who I hadn't called all week. I was on the verge of tears because all the old emotions came rushing back. It was if I had been shocked out of a coma. Combined with feelings of longing, lonliness and a pinch of existential dispair, I told her I loved her. But of course those words will never mean the same thing to her again. Or to I.

I passed out around 2 to 3ish, much to the bane of Mike, who shoved chips in my mouth to keep me from passing out. I woke up at around 4 to the sound of Veronica moving about on the other side of the couch. Turns out she was uncomfortable, so I tried to scrunch myself up so that she could stretch a little. I couldn't sleep. I woke up to get a drink because my mouth was parched from the damn weed that did absolutely nothing to me. I did that about 2 more times before I thought about bringing a cup. Eddie and Audrey woke up at some point and we all met in the kitchen to talk.

David stayed awake, so I stole his couch and passed out again. We woke up at about 10 and went out to grab bagels. I had an onion bagel with lox spread. It was yummy. We lazed around until 12 and I tried to sleep again, but Mike wouldn't let me, so we decided to go to the Staten Island mall. I walked into Hot Topic for the first time in my life, and then we got food (ROOT BEER FLOATS) at Johnny Rockets, which wasn't too good, but I was hungry.

Now I'm at Eddie's. I passed out again for three hours, and as soon as I get back to Stony Brook, I have reading to do.

The work never ends, and fun is always fleeting, but it was a good time. A very good time.

And I have to again state that I think I'm the best drunk because I can still keep my head about me and while being silly. I don't lose ALL inhibition, like some, but I lose enough to let myself live a little and give the place and those around me a little life.

(ALL photos can be found here: http://stonybrook.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2041098&id=16311314
and here: http://stonybrook.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2041102&id=16311314 )

Current Location: Stony Brook, NY
Current Mood: tiredtired

Me and My Shadow - The Sailor Song (The Knitting Factor on 8.12.2006)
"Me and My Shadow - The Sailor Song (The Knitting Factor on 8.12.2006)" on Google Video
Me and My Shadow is a quintet from New York City composed of the following individuals:
Andrei Pohorelsky: piano/vocals
Evan O'Donnell: guitar
Jesse Rappaport: guitar
Willy Coon: drums
Molly Auerbach: bass

You can check them out at http://www.myspace.com/meandmyshadow

This was shot on a Canon PowerShot A610 by Ethan Fox. Apologies for the poor audio quality, but I thought it should be recorded.
22 June 2006 @ 10:20 pm
1) Girlfriend broke up with me. Didn't love me anymore. Distance thing. Go figure.

2) Mom got hooked on cocaine and came home with a habit and coke bugs.


4) I have a summer job.

5) I'm looking to start dating again.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
20 June 2006 @ 03:20 pm
Updated this thing a bit. Have no clue why.

http://www.xanga.com/spartacusjunkie is my new journal-y thingy.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Nada
12 March 2006 @ 12:36 am


Someone is going to pay dearly for this.

"Devo 2.0 (also known as Dev2.0) is a quintet, created by Walt Disney Records, of child actors who sing, dance, and (in their music videos and photo shoots) pretend to play instruments along to songs re-recorded by the original members of Devo."
AIM is an advertising supported product

Fiction778 (3:32:51 PM): uh
Fiction778 (3:32:53 PM): wb
Fiction778 (3:33:00 PM): Noboy is cool btw
BallOfWorry (3:33:04 PM): Shit crashed.
ATTENTION (3:33:26 PM): File Transfer session initiated.
BallOfWorry (3:33:36 PM): This is more up your alley, though.
Fiction778 (3:33:37 PM): It's saucesome when it gets kinda...cowboyish. IDK
BallOfWorry (3:33:45 PM): Keep listening.
BallOfWorry (3:33:49 PM): It's a very versitile song.
Fiction778 (3:33:50 PM): NoBoy
BallOfWorry (3:33:53 PM): OMG.
BallOfWorry (3:33:55 PM): FUCK YOU.
Fiction778 (3:33:59 PM): What?
BallOfWorry (3:34:00 PM): IT'S NOT COWBOYISH.
Fiction778 (3:34:05 PM): no no
ATTENTION (3:34:10 PM): File transfer for Beethoven - Tempest.mp3 is complete.
Fiction778 (3:34:13 PM): IDK what to call it
Fiction778 (3:34:17 PM): It's nice
BallOfWorry (3:34:19 PM): IT'S LIKE THESE SONGS, which I'll send to you.
ATTENTION (3:35:51 PM): File transfer for 10 The Inlaw Josie Wales.mp3 is complete.
Fiction778 (3:35:52 PM): Ok
Fiction778 (3:35:57 PM): In NoBoy, around 03:0
Fiction778 (3:36:04 PM): That's where it gets fuggin awesome
Fiction778 (3:36:20 PM): also 3:2 ->3:3
ATTENTION (3:36:39 PM): File transfer for 08 - Song for George.mp3 is complete.
BallOfWorry (3:38:10 PM): 3:0?
BallOfWorry (3:38:20 PM): THE END OF THE SONG?
Fiction778 (3:38:29 PM): Yeah
Fiction778 (3:38:31 PM): Around there
Fiction778 (3:38:42 PM): It ends at like 3:4 for me
BallOfWorry (3:38:54 PM): It's 3:55
Fiction778 (3:39:01 PM): k
BallOfWorry (3:39:43 PM): Listen to the songs I'm sending you.
Fiction778 (3:39:54 PM): Ok
Fiction778 (3:40:19 PM): Song for George is nice so far
Fiction778 (3:42:03 PM): Was Song for George from the Mice and Men soundtrack?
BallOfWorry (3:42:27 PM):
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<_<>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

AIM is an advertising supported product

Fiction778 (3:32:51 PM): uh
Fiction778 (3:32:53 PM): wb
Fiction778 (3:33:00 PM): Noboy is cool btw
BallOfWorry (3:33:04 PM): Shit crashed.
ATTENTION (3:33:26 PM): File Transfer session initiated.
BallOfWorry (3:33:36 PM): This is more up your alley, though.
Fiction778 (3:33:37 PM): It's saucesome when it gets kinda...cowboyish. IDK
BallOfWorry (3:33:45 PM): Keep listening.
BallOfWorry (3:33:49 PM): It's a very versitile song.
Fiction778 (3:33:50 PM): NoBoy
BallOfWorry (3:33:53 PM): OMG.
BallOfWorry (3:33:55 PM): FUCK YOU.
Fiction778 (3:33:59 PM): What?
BallOfWorry (3:34:00 PM): IT'S NOT COWBOYISH.
Fiction778 (3:34:05 PM): no no
ATTENTION (3:34:10 PM): File transfer for Beethoven - Tempest.mp3 is complete.
Fiction778 (3:34:13 PM): IDK what to call it
Fiction778 (3:34:17 PM): It's nice
BallOfWorry (3:34:19 PM): IT'S LIKE THESE SONGS, which I'll send to you.
ATTENTION (3:35:51 PM): File transfer for 10 The Inlaw Josie Wales.mp3 is complete.
Fiction778 (3:35:52 PM): Ok
Fiction778 (3:35:57 PM): In NoBoy, around 03:0
Fiction778 (3:36:04 PM): That's where it gets fuggin awesome
Fiction778 (3:36:20 PM): also 3:2 ->3:3
ATTENTION (3:36:39 PM): File transfer for 08 - Song for George.mp3 is complete.
BallOfWorry (3:38:10 PM): 3:0?
BallOfWorry (3:38:20 PM): THE END OF THE SONG?
Fiction778 (3:38:29 PM): Yeah
Fiction778 (3:38:31 PM): Around there
Fiction778 (3:38:42 PM): It ends at like 3:4 for me
BallOfWorry (3:38:54 PM): It's 3:55
Fiction778 (3:39:01 PM): k
BallOfWorry (3:39:43 PM): Listen to the songs I'm sending you.
Fiction778 (3:39:54 PM): Ok
Fiction778 (3:40:19 PM): Song for George is nice so far
Fiction778 (3:42:03 PM): Was Song for George from the Mice and Men soundtrack?
BallOfWorry (3:42:27 PM): <_< No, it's by this guy Eric Johnson.
Fiction778 (3:42:37 PM): bleh
BallOfWorry (3:43:02 PM): You might like this song too by him...
BallOfWorry (3:43:23 PM): No guitar, mostly piano.
BallOfWorry (3:43:33 PM): Very ambient.
ATTENTION (3:44:20 PM): File transfer for Song For Lynette.mp3 is complete.
BallOfWorry (3:45:13 PM): You don't like wailing guitars and crap.
BallOfWorry (3:45:21 PM): So I'm going to see if I can find a couple of winners.
ATTENTION: You are no longer rate limited, and you may now send messages.
Fiction778 returned at 3:45:45 PM.
BallOfWorry (3:45:48 PM): YOu might like Al DiMeola.

ATTENTION (3:47:26 PM): File transfer for Stanley Clarke, Al Di Meola & Jean-Luc Ponty - [1995] The Rite Of Strings - 02of09 - Renassaince.mp3 is complete.
BallOfWorry (3:47:45 PM): You might also like really old pop rock.
BallOfWorry (3:48:00 PM): Do you remember that song "Hip to be a Square"
BallOfWorry (3:48:03 PM): ?
Fiction778 (3:48:22 PM): Im a bit busy, but no
BallOfWorry (3:48:29 PM): Oh okay.
BallOfWorry (3:48:31 PM): I'll leave you be.
Fiction778 (3:48:35 PM): That's ok
BallOfWorry (3:48:39 PM): Listen to those and tell me what you like.
Fiction778 (3:48:43 PM): I like them so far
BallOfWorry (3:50:44 PM): Here, last one for a while.
BallOfWorry (3:50:48 PM): You'll definitely like this.
ATTENTION (3:51:54 PM): File transfer for Dave Brubeck Quartet - 01 - Blue Rondo a la Turk.mp3 is complete.
Fiction778 returned at 4:31:59 PM.
Fiction778 returned at 7:00:04 PM.
Fiction778 returned at 7:49:29 PM.
Fiction778 returned at 11:07:06 PM.
BallOfWorry (12:17:07 AM): I FOUND HER.
Fiction778 (12:17:11 AM): huh?
Auto Response from BallOfWorry (12:17:11 AM): Taking a showah...it won't last an owah...or something.

(What the hell is an owah anyway?)
BallOfWorry (12:17:11 AM): ON FACEBOOK.
Fiction778 (12:17:15 AM): zomg
Fiction778 (12:17:20 AM): stalkuuuuuuur
BallOfWorry (12:17:24 AM): >_<;;;;
Fiction778 (12:17:35 AM): lol
Fiction778 (12:17:39 AM): did you spend the last hour doin this
BallOfWorry (12:18:07 AM): NO!
BallOfWorry (12:18:15 AM): I showered, then I realized how I could find her.
BallOfWorry (12:18:24 AM): The class roster is on the internets.
BallOfWorry (12:18:37 AM): Just search probable names based on appearance.
BallOfWorry (12:18:44 AM): Bingo, got her.
Fiction778 (12:18:53 AM): congrats?
BallOfWorry (12:19:02 AM): I don't know where this leaves me.
BallOfWorry (12:19:16 AM): I think I'm just feeling overly accomplished now.
Fiction778 (12:21:15 AM): um
BallOfWorry (12:21:37 AM): I'M DONE, OKAY? I WAS JUST CURIOUS.
Fiction778 (12:21:41 AM): lol
Fiction778 (12:21:47 AM): :-D
BallOfWorry (12:25:58 AM): Jesus.
BallOfWorry (12:26:05 AM): It's not my fault I can't communicate.
BallOfWorry (12:26:09 AM): Fucking backwards.
BallOfWorry (12:26:19 AM): Jesusl.
Fiction778 (12:26:27 AM): CLAM DWON
BallOfWorry (12:27:03 AM): DWON
Fiction778 (12:28:08 AM): j0j0j0j0j0j0j0j0
BallOfWorry (12:28:21 AM): Alright, I should brush my tooths.
Fiction778 (12:33:52 AM): Peethan.
Fiction778 (12:41:18 AM): ETHAN
BallOfWorry (12:41:45 AM): Yes?
Fiction778 (12:41:52 AM): No, seriously.
Fiction778 (12:42:19 AM): =p
Fiction778 (12:42:48 AM): lol internet
Fiction778 (12:43:34 AM): Relationship Status: It's Complicated with

BallOfWorry (12:44:17 AM): <_< That might be a joke.
BallOfWorry (12:44:19 AM): SHUT UP
Fiction778 (12:44:24 AM): geh
BallOfWorry (12:44:26 AM): A MAN CAN DREAM
Fiction778 (12:44:35 AM): Does that MEAN LESBOH?
Fiction778 returned at 12:45:37 AM.
BallOfWorry (12:46:08 AM): LOL @ LESBOH
Fiction778 (12:46:28 AM): Pwned by lesboh
Fiction778 (12:46:50 AM): looks a little like sara, eh
Fiction778 (12:47:45 AM): (*&HFGY*SD(SHDF*)HSDU*)F(&SD*
Fiction778 (12:50:05 AM): night
Fiction778 (12:50:09 AM): gl with lesboh
Fiction778 (12:50:10 AM): JK
Fiction778 (12:50:17 AM): :p I'm a bastard
BallOfWorry (12:50:21 AM): I hate you.
Fiction778 (12:50:28 AM): Giggity giggity giggity giggity
Fiction778 (12:50:35 AM): It's Complicated
Fiction778 (12:50:35 AM): It's Complicated
Fiction778 (12:50:35 AM): It's Complicated
Fiction778 (12:50:49 AM): Are your dreams smashed?
BallOfWorry (12:51:54 AM): FUCK YOU
Fiction778 (12:52:00 AM): =\
Fiction778 (12:52:05 AM): lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Fiction778 (12:52:10 AM): Not my fizzault
BallOfWorry (12:52:13 AM): I wasn't going to do anything about it anyway.
Fiction778 (12:52:16 AM): LIES
Fiction778 (12:52:19 AM): LIES
Fiction778 (12:52:29 AM): j00 had plans.
BallOfWorry (12:52:36 AM): I always manage to become attracted to people who are way above me.
Fiction778 (12:52:49 AM): well, is she lesBoH?
BallOfWorry (12:52:51 AM): They crush me under the weight of their experience.
BallOfWorry (12:52:54 AM): I DON'T KNOW.
Fiction778 (12:52:58 AM): ASK
BallOfWorry (12:53:01 AM): NO!
Fiction778 (12:53:10 AM): "Y HELO THAR R U LESBEEAN?"
Fiction778 (12:53:15 AM): "YEES, YEES I EM."
Fiction778 (12:53:20 AM): [example]
Fiction778 (12:53:23 AM): =p
Fiction778 (12:53:27 AM): bored as fuck, ;(
BallOfWorry (12:53:35 AM): YOU ARE A FUCKTARD.
Fiction778 (12:53:40 AM): eh wtf it's 1 in the morning im outt here
Fiction778 (12:53:42 AM): Good luckzor
BallOfWorry (12:53:42 AM): But you make me laugh
BallOfWorry (12:53:48 AM): UGH
BallOfWorry (12:53:51 AM): BAI
BallOfWorry (12:53:57 AM): /block
Fiction778 (12:53:59 AM): Dun fergaet It's Complicated
BallOfWorry (12:54:03 AM): FUCK YOU
BallOfWorry (12:54:04 AM): LPFJEOAIP
BallOfWorry (12:54:04 AM): '2q309utrg
BallOfWorry (12:54:05 AM): 3oihfsd
BallOfWorry (12:54:06 AM): ubsdvmaf
BallOfWorry (12:54:07 AM): 'werubg
Fiction778 (12:54:11 AM): "Y HELO THAR AMIEE HOW R U DOOAING"
Fiction778 (12:54:16 AM): "I DOOANG ALL REIGHT
BallOfWorry (12:54:21 AM): LOL
BallOfWorry (12:54:22 AM): STOP
BallOfWorry (12:54:23 AM): PLEASE
Fiction778 (12:54:26 AM): "MY NEEAME IS ETHAIN"
BallOfWorry (12:54:33 AM): PLEASE
Fiction778 (12:54:33 AM): "KEWL MY NAIME IS AMEI:
BallOfWorry (12:54:35 AM): MY DREAMS
BallOfWorry (12:54:40 AM): DON'T CRUSH THEM
Fiction778 (12:54:43 AM): "I LOEV OYU"
Fiction778 (12:54:45 AM): "SAME"
BallOfWorry (12:54:45 AM): LOL
Fiction778 (12:55:01 AM): "LIEK Y R U FOLOWIENG ME?!"
Fiction778 (12:55:06 AM): "CUZ I WANTE 2"
BallOfWorry (12:55:07 AM): STOP
Fiction778 (12:55:10 AM): "COOL"
BallOfWorry (12:55:13 AM): STROP
BallOfWorry (12:55:16 AM): PLEASE STOP
Fiction778 (12:55:17 AM): "OKAY WHER U WENA GOE"
Fiction778 (12:55:22 AM): "MOVAES?"
Fiction778 (12:55:24 AM): "OKAY"
Fiction778 (12:55:26 AM): Lol
Fiction778 (12:55:27 AM): Done.
BallOfWorry (12:55:27 AM): PLEASE
Fiction778 (12:55:28 AM): =P
Fiction778 (12:55:33 AM): You crackign up or something?
BallOfWorry (12:55:33 AM): Oh you bastard.
BallOfWorry (12:55:39 AM): No birthday present for you.
Fiction778 (12:55:45 AM): ...
BallOfWorry (12:55:54 AM): Fuck, that was hilarious.
Fiction778 (12:55:58 AM): "HAI ETHAEN I WUVS U U NO THAT REIGHT"
BallOfWorry (12:55:59 AM): But asinine.
BallOfWorry (12:56:04 AM): STOP!
Fiction778 (12:56:05 AM): "YEH I WUVS U TOO GIGGITY GIGGITY"
BallOfWorry (12:56:07 AM): PLEASE!
Fiction778 (12:56:19 AM): The...end.
Fiction778 (12:56:33 AM): 1 sec
Fiction778 (12:59:20 AM): SUPER IMPORTANT
BallOfWorry (1:00:13 AM): WHAT?
Fiction778 (1:00:28 AM): ...a mystery (links to a crudely made image of me and girl in question...)
Fiction778 (1:00:31 AM): I leave you with that
Fiction778 (1:00:46 AM): dream on :-(
BallOfWorry (1:00:55 AM): YOU BASTARD!
BallOfWorry (1:00:59 AM): I'LL KILL YOU
Fiction778 (1:01:02 AM): =P
BallOfWorry (1:01:04 AM): I'LL HANG YOU BY YOUR NUTS
Fiction778 (1:01:12 AM): one day, ethan, one day you'll get the guts
Fiction778 (1:01:20 AM): I knoweseseses esu
Fiction778 (1:01:22 AM): fksdfsdifsjiafjiasdfoisadfj
Fiction778 (1:01:23 AM): afoasdfijoasdjiofjiso
BallOfWorry (1:01:28 AM): YOU BITCH
BallOfWorry (1:01:31 AM): ASSHOLE
Fiction778 (1:01:33 AM): ETHEIN
BallOfWorry (1:01:34 AM): MOTHERFUCK
Fiction778 (1:01:38 AM): DOODOO
BallOfWorry (1:01:38 AM): BURN IN HELL
BallOfWorry (1:01:59 AM): FUCK YOU
Fiction778 (1:02:01 AM): *Jeopardy theme*
BallOfWorry (1:02:02 AM): AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Fiction778 (1:02:11 AM): Careful, don't go emo :-(
Fiction778 (1:02:20 AM): you're leaning to the dark side, young fox walker
BallOfWorry (1:02:22 AM): YOU DRIVE ME INSANE
BallOfWorry (1:02:25 AM): YOU BASTARD
Fiction778 (1:02:28 AM): midi-chlorians in your mousepad.
BallOfWorry (1:02:32 AM): YOU ASSHOLE.
BallOfWorry (1:02:34 AM): AHSGDOAIAFV
Fiction778 (1:02:46 AM): RUN AWAE LOLOL WE UNDUR ATECK
Fiction778 (1:02:52 AM): ITZ OKAYY U A GUY
BallOfWorry (1:02:52 AM): BITCH
Fiction778 (1:03:08 AM): I'll give you 20 bucks if you walk up to her and say "HELO THAR"
BallOfWorry (1:03:11 AM): NO
BallOfWorry (1:03:13 AM): FUCK YOU
Fiction778 (1:03:13 AM): COME ON
BallOfWorry (1:03:17 AM): I'D RATHER SUCK DICK
Fiction778 (1:03:23 AM): SO YOU'RE GAY?
BallOfWorry (1:03:26 AM): NO
BallOfWorry (1:03:29 AM): AIHGDN
BallOfWorry (1:03:30 AM): AG
BallOfWorry (1:03:31 AM): SAHSBOIH
BallOfWorry (1:03:32 AM): HAR
Fiction778 (1:03:36 AM): YOU'D RATHER 8===D THAN TALK TO A GIRL?!
BallOfWorry (1:03:41 AM): NO
Fiction778 (1:03:50 AM): 8================////====D AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH IT BURNS IT'S FALLING OFF
Fiction778 (1:04:01 AM): LOL this is such a boredom tool
BallOfWorry (1:04:05 AM): You say something intellectual.
BallOfWorry (1:04:10 AM): Or you ask a question on the material.
BallOfWorry (1:04:21 AM): BUT I CAN'T DO IT.
BallOfWorry (1:04:24 AM): I'M NOT WITTY
BallOfWorry (1:04:26 AM): OR COOL
BallOfWorry (1:04:29 AM): OR COMPOSED
Fiction778 (1:04:29 AM): YES YOU CAN
Fiction778 (1:04:49 AM): SAY "HAI THAR AIME DO U LIEK GUIATAR?"
BallOfWorry (1:04:53 AM): OMG
BallOfWorry (1:04:54 AM): STOP
BallOfWorry (1:04:55 AM): NAO
Fiction778 (1:05:10 AM): a journey of a thousand miles begin with a single step
Fiction778 (1:05:47 AM): .......
Fiction778 (1:05:51 AM): CLAM DWON.
BallOfWorry (1:05:56 AM): I'm not calm!
Fiction778 (1:05:57 AM): DUED
Fiction778 (1:05:59 AM): Y NAUT
BallOfWorry (1:06:01 AM): This is serious business.
Fiction778 (1:06:05 AM): O RLY
BallOfWorry (1:06:08 AM): YA RLY
Fiction778 (1:06:12 AM): YLR AY
Fiction778 (1:06:15 AM): FOJDShiu9fsdubifihusdfubisduif
Fiction778 (1:06:16 AM): Ok.
BallOfWorry (1:06:18 AM): NO WAI
Fiction778 (1:06:27 AM): WHAIN DO U SAE HUR AGEN
BallOfWorry (1:06:38 AM): Wednesday, but I'm not saying anything.
BallOfWorry (1:06:41 AM): Maybe I'll sit closer.
BallOfWorry (1:06:43 AM): That's all.
BallOfWorry (1:06:52 AM): NO HALO THAR
BallOfWorry (1:07:01 AM): UCFAY OUYAY
BallOfWorry (1:07:13 AM): FUCK YOU
BallOfWorry (1:07:14 AM): CLICHE
BallOfWorry (1:07:18 AM): AND DUMB
BallOfWorry (1:07:24 AM): NAO
BallOfWorry (1:07:27 AM): NO
Fiction778 (1:07:27 AM): AND SHELL GO "O YA I LUV GUITAR WANT 2 GO OUT"
BallOfWorry (1:07:31 AM): FUCK YOU
BallOfWorry (1:07:31 AM): STOP
BallOfWorry (1:07:33 AM): AGASBFB
Fiction778 (1:07:33 AM): YOU GO "KK THANX BI"
Fiction778 (1:07:41 AM): Ventrilo?
BallOfWorry (1:07:44 AM): NO
Fiction778 (1:07:48 AM): I'm going to sleep in T-Minus 5 minutes
BallOfWorry (1:07:49 AM): ROOMMATE ASLEEP
BallOfWorry (1:07:52 AM): ME TOO
Fiction778 (1:07:53 AM): penis
BallOfWorry (1:07:53 AM): BYE
BallOfWorry (1:07:55 AM): ASSHOLE
BallOfWorry (1:07:57 AM): S;PKFBNDIBFN
BallOfWorry (1:07:58 AM): ARHG
Fiction778 (1:07:58 AM): LOL
Fiction778 (1:08:01 AM): I MADE YOU LAUGH
Fiction778 (1:08:07 AM): RELIEVE YOUR 8===D FRUSTRATION
BallOfWorry (1:08:12 AM): AHHHHHRIWHGAIOH
Fiction778 (1:08:16 AM): KILL YOUR ROOM MATE
BallOfWorry (1:08:21 AM): ASKDNH
Fiction778 (1:08:22 AM): IT IS THE ONLY OPTION
BallOfWorry (1:08:23 AM): GAWD
BallOfWorry (1:08:24 AM): STOP
Fiction778 (1:08:31 AM): 8==============D HAI THERE
BallOfWorry (1:08:35 AM): I WILL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS
BallOfWorry (1:08:37 AM): SO BADLY
Fiction778 (1:08:39 AM): bleh
Fiction778 (1:08:44 AM): Weenar
BallOfWorry (1:08:49 AM): I WON'T FORGET THIS INSULT
Fiction778 (1:08:51 AM): You laughed :-D
BallOfWorry (1:08:56 AM): <_< YA RLY
Fiction778 (1:09:27 AM): zomg
Fiction778 (1:09:41 AM): OK: Here's the challenge.
BallOfWorry (1:09:51 AM): >_<;;;
BallOfWorry (1:09:58 AM): I won't be able to do it.
Fiction778 (1:09:59 AM): If you say one word to lesboh you win a cookie.
BallOfWorry (1:10:01 AM): Stop trying.
BallOfWorry (1:10:05 AM): STOP THAT
BallOfWorry (1:10:06 AM): OMG
Fiction778 (1:10:07 AM): Drop your pencil and say "oops"
Fiction778 (1:10:09 AM): lol
BallOfWorry (1:10:11 AM): You arse-a-fire
Fiction778 (1:10:12 AM): Kemon.
BallOfWorry (1:10:14 AM): no
BallOfWorry (1:10:18 AM): DIAF
Fiction778 (1:10:25 AM): duuuuuuuuuuuuu a barrel roll
Fiction778 (1:10:27 AM): fuck this is creepy
Fiction778 (1:10:40 AM): the halogen behind me, the broken one, flickered on then off a second ago
Fiction778 (1:10:47 AM): I think spirits roam the earth at this time
BallOfWorry (1:10:48 AM): KARMIC JUSTICE, BITCH
Fiction778 (1:11:03 AM): DAD HAS A KNIFE"
Fiction778 (1:11:04 AM): HELP
Fiction778 (1:11:05 AM): AAAA
Fiction778 (1:11:06 AM): a
BallOfWorry (1:11:07 AM): bb
Fiction778 (1:11:08 AM): ...
Fiction778 (1:11:19 AM): David Slox has Dlied.
BallOfWorry (1:11:24 AM): slox
Fiction778 (1:11:26 AM): slox
Fiction778 (1:11:28 AM): right
BallOfWorry (1:11:29 AM): more lick sucks
BallOfWorry (1:11:33 AM): *LIEK
BallOfWorry (1:11:35 AM): **LIKE
BallOfWorry (1:11:38 AM): FUCK YOU DAVID
Fiction778 (1:11:43 AM): AWE YER A SMURT CHIELD
Fiction778 (1:11:44 AM): jk
Fiction778 (1:11:45 AM): :-)
BallOfWorry (1:11:52 AM): NAE, I SMAERTER
Fiction778 (1:11:57 AM): O RAILEY?
BallOfWorry (1:12:05 AM): YA REILY
Fiction778 (1:12:10 AM): KOOEL
BallOfWorry (1:12:15 AM): I'm going.
Fiction778 (1:12:18 AM): aw
BallOfWorry (1:12:20 AM): I have some reading to take care of.
Fiction778 (1:12:24 AM): you relieved my boredom, kay thanx
BallOfWorry (1:12:25 AM): And I've been insulted enough
BallOfWorry (1:12:27 AM): XP
BallOfWorry (1:12:30 AM): Whatever.
BallOfWorry (1:12:31 AM): DIAF
Fiction778 (1:12:31 AM): Insulted? I was being bored
Fiction778 (1:12:33 AM): chill outzor
Fiction778 (1:12:38 AM): didn't mean any of it
BallOfWorry (1:12:43 AM): I'm not really insulted, I'm embarrassed...
BallOfWorry (1:12:46 AM): Jeez.
Fiction778 (1:12:48 AM): don't worry
BallOfWorry (1:12:57 AM): I'm getting my chops busted by my little brother.
BallOfWorry (1:12:58 AM): WTF.
Fiction778 (1:13:10 AM): nah you're getting your chops busted under your own... uhhhh
Fiction778 (1:13:12 AM): balls?
Fiction778 (1:13:14 AM): idk
Fiction778 (1:13:16 AM): lol
BallOfWorry (1:13:22 AM): Doesn't make sense, so it doesn't exist.
BallOfWorry (1:13:24 AM): POOF
Fiction778 (1:13:27 AM): foop?
BallOfWorry (1:13:31 AM): aksfopjd
BallOfWorry (1:13:35 AM): KTHXBAI
Fiction778 (1:13:37 AM): noes
Fiction778 (1:13:46 AM): guh
Fiction778 (1:13:49 AM): -.-
Fiction778 (1:13:53 AM): so say a word eh
Fiction778 (1:13:55 AM): just one
Fiction778 (1:14:02 AM): "hi" or something
Fiction778 (1:14:18 AM): ethan dead
Fiction778 (1:14:18 AM): :-(
BallOfWorry (1:15:07 AM): g
Fiction778 (1:15:30 AM): die mother fuckers die mother fuckers die
BallOfWorry (1:15:35 AM): g'night
Fiction778 (1:15:37 AM): lol
Fiction778 (1:15:38 AM): k
Fiction778 (1:15:44 AM): nighty night, don't like the fucktards bite
Auto Response from BallOfWorry (1:15:44 AM): Catching up on some Z's...


Leave me a message or some such!
02 February 2006 @ 10:28 pm
*see previous entry*

College really isn't what it's cracked up to be.

chr1sthepyro (9:16:44 PM): hi
GameWalker (9:17:04 PM): WHOA
chr1sthepyro (9:17:09 PM): hm?
GameWalker (9:17:13 PM): You're on?
GameWalker (9:17:15 PM): Since when?
chr1sthepyro (9:17:19 PM): just now
chr1sthepyro (9:17:26 PM): just got on literally this second
GameWalker (9:18:08 PM): It didn't tell me
GameWalker (9:18:14 PM): IT'S SUPPOSED TO TELL ME
chr1sthepyro (9:18:19 PM): uhhh sorry?
chr1sthepyro (9:19:38 PM): dunno
GameWalker (9:19:57 PM): MY LIFE IS OVER.
chr1sthepyro (9:20:14 PM): what???
GameWalker (9:20:43 PM): *cries*
GameWalker (9:20:44 PM): SARA
GameWalker (9:20:53 PM): I ONLY HAD ONE MEAL TODAY.
chr1sthepyro (9:21:17 PM): ethan please eat
chr1sthepyro (9:21:23 PM): dont do that
chr1sthepyro (9:21:27 PM): whats wrong?
GameWalker (9:22:20 PM): I don't wanna have lunch because I have no one to have lunch with, although I suppose I can sit at a table by myself and look as cute and unassuming as can be and maybe someone will come over and WHO AM I KIDDING I AM DELUDING MYSELF
chr1sthepyro (9:22:40 PM): im really sorry ethan
chr1sthepyro (9:22:46 PM): i really want to help
chr1sthepyro (9:22:48 PM): you're scaring me
chr1sthepyro (9:22:51 PM): a lot
GameWalker (9:23:03 PM): You think YOU'RE scared.
chr1sthepyro (9:23:11 PM): i know you must be more
chr1sthepyro (9:23:16 PM): im not saying that
chr1sthepyro (9:23:20 PM): im just saying im really worried about you
GameWalker (9:23:38 PM): All I do is I come back to my room, sleep, read philosophy books, eat, and occassionally have subpar times with Eddz0rz.
chr1sthepyro (9:24:22 PM): yeah thats pretty much what i do with more company involved cause i live with my only two friends...i eat, sleep, read, and sleep some more
GameWalker (9:24:25 PM): Go to sleep late, rinse and repeat.
chr1sthepyro (9:24:30 PM): yeah
GameWalker (9:24:53 PM): THere has to be something MORE than this.
chr1sthepyro (9:25:00 PM): i keep thinking that too
chr1sthepyro (9:25:02 PM): but i guess theres not
chr1sthepyro (9:25:13 PM): im not sure how everyone else here is so content to go out and get wasted every night
chr1sthepyro (9:25:30 PM): and sleep with total strangers...and throw up all the time...and talk about bullshit
GameWalker (9:25:44 PM): Yeah, me neither.
GameWalker (9:25:46 PM): =\
chr1sthepyro (9:25:49 PM): and join soroities and fratnernaties
chr1sthepyro (9:25:55 PM): maybe its not worth it being smart
chr1sthepyro (9:26:04 PM): stupid people seem pretty content
GameWalker (9:26:08 PM): I can talk to people when conversation is necessitated out of politeness, but I haven't been able to initiate anyone in small talk.
chr1sthepyro (9:26:17 PM): yeah i dont do that either
GameWalker (9:26:28 PM): I can't be satiated not thinking.
GameWalker (9:26:34 PM): I'm a philosophy major dammit.
chr1sthepyro (9:26:40 PM): im not saying you can be
chr1sthepyro (9:26:46 PM): its too late for that its not in you
GameWalker (9:26:47 PM): I know you can't be either.
GameWalker (9:26:50 PM): You're like me.
chr1sthepyro (9:26:51 PM): im saying if things were different
chr1sthepyro (9:26:53 PM): yeah
GameWalker (9:26:54 PM): You need to think.
chr1sthepyro (9:26:54 PM): i guess
chr1sthepyro (9:26:56 PM): i do
chr1sthepyro (9:27:05 PM): im just saying
chr1sthepyro (9:27:11 PM): it cant be any other way...
GameWalker (9:27:41 PM): Wait, I got confused, about which thingy?
chr1sthepyro (9:28:03 PM): huh?
chr1sthepyro (9:28:25 PM): what confused you?
chr1sthepyro (9:28:47 PM): i agreed that we both need to think so it cant be any other way...
GameWalker (9:28:55 PM): Yeah.
GameWalker (9:29:02 PM): I'm not satisfied not thinking.
chr1sthepyro (9:29:06 PM): i know
GameWalker (9:29:08 PM): That's fucking balls.
chr1sthepyro (9:29:12 PM): heh
GameWalker (9:29:27 PM): No, seriously, I destest people who can do that.
chr1sthepyro (9:29:48 PM): i know i feel the same way
chr1sthepyro (9:29:57 PM): its disgusting
GameWalker (9:30:01 PM): It really is.
chr1sthepyro (9:30:09 PM): its kind of sad and sick at the same time
GameWalker (9:30:14 PM): Exactly.
chr1sthepyro (9:30:18 PM): it either makes me angry or sick or sad
GameWalker (9:31:12 PM): We already take so much for granted. Why the hell do we have to stop thinking and feeling?
chr1sthepyro (9:32:01 PM): i guess because when you dont do think you feel like we do..
GameWalker (9:32:42 PM): I mean, most of teenage culture is so focused on hedonistic tenants that the only thought put into anything is calculating (and rather poorly at that) what actions will achieve the greatest personal pleasure.
GameWalker (9:33:16 PM): And what is pleasurable does not always equate to what is good.
chr1sthepyro (9:33:27 PM): yeah
GameWalker (9:33:41 PM): ARGH!
GameWalker (9:33:53 PM): There aren't enough people who think this way.
GameWalker (9:34:02 PM): But I can also understand why.
GameWalker (9:34:06 PM): Look how BITTER we are.
chr1sthepyro (9:34:17 PM): yeah ive always been pretty bitter
chr1sthepyro (9:34:20 PM): you seem to have gotten more so
GameWalker (9:34:43 PM): ARGIAHIOH!!
GameWalker (9:34:47 PM): I was always this mad.
GameWalker (9:35:04 PM): Sara, how much anger do you think I have in my puny little child body?
GameWalker (9:35:27 PM): That's another thing. I can't view myself as an adult.
GameWalker (9:35:32 PM): It's not possible.
chr1sthepyro (9:35:43 PM): well you are
chr1sthepyro (9:35:48 PM): you're 18
GameWalker (9:35:50 PM): I've hardly had a childhood and now I'm expected to be something else.
chr1sthepyro (9:36:04 PM): you dont get to choose your life
GameWalker (9:36:20 PM): No, no I don't.
GameWalker (9:36:23 PM): aRGH!
GameWalker (9:36:30 PM): BUT IT DIDN'T HAVE TO BE SO CRUEL!
chr1sthepyro (9:36:56 PM): sooo you have a 14 year old irish red head stalker girl
GameWalker (9:37:27 PM): I could have learned to be this way without the amount of pain, suffering, depravity, etc.
chr1sthepyro (9:38:01 PM): but you dont get to choose your family
chr1sthepyro (9:38:06 PM): and thats a lot of what happened to you
GameWalker (9:38:09 PM): She's surprisingly mature for 14. =O But Jesus Sara, c'mon, that's like almost David's age.
GameWalker (9:38:19 PM): Who do you take me for, ALEC?
GameWalker (9:38:27 PM): <3 bless his soul.
chr1sthepyro (9:38:48 PM): shes a red head
chr1sthepyro (9:39:02 PM): and shes clearly somewhat obssesed with you
chr1sthepyro (9:39:09 PM): i thought you heartily accepted all female stalkers
GameWalker (9:39:13 PM): No, if indeed I'm going to enter another relationship, they're going to have to be pretty damn near spectacular.
GameWalker (9:39:58 PM): Like, at or around Sara level.
chr1sthepyro (9:40:18 PM): oh thats hardly spectacular
GameWalker (9:40:22 PM): But I highly doubt I'm going to find someone who I can connect with on the same level as you.
chr1sthepyro (9:41:18 PM): well ethan...we may still end up together
GameWalker (9:41:27 PM): That's what's important for me. I need to know I can trust them, I need to know we can talk as friends, I need to know that they have an interest in the world around them that isn't just an interest in Sex in the City.
GameWalker (9:41:41 PM): I realize that.
GameWalker (9:41:58 PM): I'm so confused.
GameWalker (9:42:06 PM): I don't know what I should or shouldn't be doing,
GameWalker (9:42:11 PM): I mean, I'm lonely, sure.
chr1sthepyro (9:42:16 PM): well i think you need friends
chr1sthepyro (9:42:18 PM): for sure
chr1sthepyro (9:42:29 PM): maybe if you're too worried about trying dating...you should just focus on making friends
chr1sthepyro (9:42:31 PM): you need company
chr1sthepyro (9:42:34 PM): you need people
GameWalker (9:42:43 PM): Yeah, but I also find myself yearning for some semblance of not just emotional closeness but physical as well.
chr1sthepyro (9:42:55 PM): yeah i know what you mean
chr1sthepyro (9:43:00 PM): well see what happens
chr1sthepyro (9:43:04 PM): try talking to people if youc an
chr1sthepyro (9:43:05 PM): *can
chr1sthepyro (9:43:14 PM): just talking to as many people as you can handle talking to would be good
chr1sthepyro (9:43:17 PM): keep trying
GameWalker (9:43:49 PM): I will. I think about it, but I can't do anything about thought. Putting action to thought like that requires some power that I can't summon
chr1sthepyro (9:44:07 PM): i wish you would try
chr1sthepyro (9:44:13 PM): even just one person at first
chr1sthepyro (9:44:15 PM): take it slow
GameWalker (9:45:19 PM): I can't will myself to do it.
GameWalker (9:45:21 PM): It's so hard.
chr1sthepyro (9:46:26 PM): try
chr1sthepyro (9:48:38 PM): if you can
GameWalker (9:49:08 PM): It's so hard.
GameWalker (9:59:36 PM): Don't you understttaaaaannnnnndddd?
chr1sthepyro (10:00:15 PM): yeah i do i cant do it either
GameWalker (10:12:22 PM): Hey Sara, how many quality acoustic pieces do you think I can fashion between now and the end of March?
chr1sthepyro (10:13:05 PM): uhhh
chr1sthepyro (10:13:07 PM): hmm
GameWalker (10:13:27 PM): =]
chr1sthepyro (10:18:45 PM): 3?
chr1sthepyro (10:18:46 PM): 4?
GameWalker (10:19:40 PM): Okay.
GameWalker (10:19:43 PM): Deal.
chr1sthepyro (10:23:52 PM): lol
chr1sthepyro (10:24:07 PM): i thought that was a questions
chr1sthepyro (10:24:09 PM): *question
GameWalker (10:24:21 PM): I'm going to try to make that many now.
GameWalker (10:24:24 PM): If not more.
chr1sthepyro (10:24:57 PM): lol you dont have to
Current Music: Eric Johnson - "Song For Lynette"
02 February 2006 @ 09:10 am

25 December 2005 @ 02:39 am
I can already feel things between us approaching some sort of conclusion. It won't be happy, I can tell you that right now. Neither of us are happy about the way things have been going, but we have no concrete way to reverse what's happened, and I have no intention of making you feel something you won't.

I know you're hurting too. I know you don't want to lose me. I know you blame yourself and you want to be hated for it. It might be cruel, but you don't need me anymore. Not because you've found someone else, but because I'm not there to physically and emotionally support you. I understand that. I do. That's why I couldn't do that whole thing with Canada girl anymore. I was lying to myself to even believe for one second that a relationship can exist without prolonged physicality.

I've grown up since then. I know why things are going wrong. I'd like to blame your parents and your new friends, but I can't because it's not their fault either. It's no one's fault. It's human nature. It is the basis of natural human relationships. Blaming that is like blaming God: you can yell and scream at it all you want, but it won't change a damn thing.

I'll tell you this though...I will miss everything. I will miss every little thing about you. Your eyes. Your cheeks. Your hair. Your bad temper. Your nervous habits. Your twitch. Your craziness. The way your hands were always cold. Your touch. Your wild side. Your company. Your hands. Your warmth. I will miss how you loved it when I was jealous of you even talking to another guy. I will miss how you got jealous when a girl talked to me. I will miss how you said "room". I already miss those long phone conversations. I will miss being a shoulder to cry on. I will miss being there for you. I will miss your understanding. I will miss your aggressiveness. I will miss our total disregard for the Public Display of Affection Police. I'll even miss your gay jokes. I will miss your devotion. I will miss your dedication. I will miss your honesty. I will miss how you always dealt with my depression, no matter what. I will miss how you slapped sense into me, physically and verbally.

I'll miss how we were one of the few couples that didn't buy into the bullshit. Who truly believed in this dying thing called "love" and made it work. We never believed in distance or this crap about letting each other "breathe"...we smothered each other and loved each and every minute of it. I never wanted you to feel constricted, but you spent practically every day with me. I loved every minute of it all.

If I really wanted to, I could blame you. I could give you the whole "So this is how strong your love was?" and beat you down with guilt. But I won't. I look up at that list and just keep thinking of more and more reasons why I love you, and I can't. I know you're blaming yourself for this right now and I don't want you to.

I know you're still fighting...still trying to make this work. I love you for that too. So no, I don't hate you. In fact, I love you even more for it.

...But...whenever I'm with you, I can feel it. I can feel this wall there. You used to cling to me when we walked...now you hardly grab for my hands. You used to kiss me long and passionately, now our lips rarely press. You used to feel for me...now it's different.

I'm a brother to you now. Am I content with leaving it at that? Sure. It'll kill me at first, but I can get used to it. That's life, right? I'm getting used to it right now. I know we've talked about coming back to it later...but will your feelings really have changed? I'm willing to try...I'd probably pounce at an opportunity...but I'm not going to bank on it.

Are we over yet? No, I'm not ready to give up. I know you're not either. But this is how I feel now. I'm slowly accepting what very well might happen. There has been no change since I figured this all out, and I'm losing hope.

So please...please try hard.

-Ethan out

edit: For those who care, I missed Alumni Day to attempt to save my relationship. I apologize to those eagerly awaiting me telling people how much Stony Brook sucks and how I am the living worst case scenario. Sorry, but the old rehash 50 times isn't my thing. If you really want to see me or talk to me, you know how to contact me.

I'm fucking bitter now.
25 September 2005 @ 12:06 am
Now in Dewey 304A. One of my suitemates is a fucking dealer. The others party and drink profusely.

No shit.